Monday, February 13, 2012

Ripped from the headlines!

Okay, maybe not the big headlines you've read, but something that popped up in my news surfing today.
The headline is:
Cheerleading coach removed after calling team ‘highfalutin heifers’
The general idea of the story is that a cheer-leading coach was screaming at her team and said (in part) "Who do you think you all are?...Highfalutin heifers. You can just come and go as you please. Fire me!" It was not the first time she screamed at her team. One of the team members pulled out her cell phone and recorded the rant, which led to the coach being fired.
"Excellent!" We all say in unison. "Finally, an abusive coach who didn't win in the end." And then we all went about our days and completely forgot we ever read the story.
Except... "Meanwhile, the cheerleader who provided the recording -- who is identified only as the 11th-grade daughter of a man named Abel Olivares -- has been handed two days of detention for recording the coach's rant on school property and sharing the recording with friends."
And that is wrong.
It reminds me of an incident that happened when I was in middle school. This was...before anti-bullying initiatives were a thing. I was sitting in class, and there was a boy sitting behind me. He poked me with his pen in the back over and over and whispered to me when the teacher couldn't hear "I can't see around you, move fatty." This happened for weeks. Finally the teacher asked me about the pen marks on my shirt and I told her about the poking. We both wound up in the vice-principal's office and the boy was suspended for a few days. About a week later I was back in the v-p's office for something similar (although those exact circumstances escape me). Again, I told my side of the story and the person at fault was suspended. Finally, two weeks later a tough girl came up to me and told me she was going to "kick my a**" (for flirting with her boyfriend I think) and I should meet her right there at three so she could beat me up. I did not meet her. I had choir. And a brain. But she did come looking for me. And she did hit me. And I did not hit her back (although I sorely wanted to) because I did not want to be suspended (alright, I was a geek. Shut up.) Once more I wound up the v-p's office. And this time I was suspended. Not because I had done anything tangibly wrong, but because it was my third time there in a month. My mom argued with him, but in the end the suspension stood. My mom (having to work) dropped me off at the mall with $50 on my day off.
I hope that cheer-leader's parents are as accommodating as my mom was.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Another edition of "Things that made me laugh"

So I haven't compiled a list of things that made me laugh lately, but I have a few things stored, and I'm stuck awake at four in the morning (on a work night thank you very much for trying to kill me) with an ear infection, so... I guess now's as good a time as any to share.

"Now I'm running three times a week, and wishing it could be more. I'm still terrible at it, mind you -- it's like watching a fat bird trying to escape the tyranny of its own legs" (This made me laugh because that is EXACTLY how I think of my runs)

From the same Cracked article as above (and also exactly how I thought about exercise until recently). "Exercise was forever cemented in my mind as 'that weird thing pretty people do with their limbs sometimes.'"

This may only be funny to an historian, but I love it. "Formosus was found guilty on all charges, of course, though the trial practically screamed for an appeal. The late pontiff's only defense was mounted by a cleric kneeling behind his throne, who answered Stephen's seemingly rhetorical questions ("Why did you usurp the papacy?!") for Formosus by explaining, "Because I was evil!" Historians do not relate whether the cleric set up a pulley device to make Formosus' jaw move up and down while he spoke for him, so we must assume that he did." Honestly, if historians failed to relate something awesome, just assume it happened. History is awesome enough that this is fairly foolproof.

"Hitler. Stalin. Ivan the Terrible. We all love these guys. Which is to say, we hate them and everything they stand for, but we're secretly glad they existed. Otherwise we'd have to learn about the cultural and political tensions behind world history, as opposed to boiling it down to 'there was a bad guy who made crap happen because he was evil.'" More

"True, he wasn't as good as Mozart, but if you don't see a difference between "not as good as Mozart" and "a talentless bum," your standards might be a bit high." again.

From the same article (even the same section) as above "If your idea for murdering your most hated enemy is "I'll scare him to death with a gho-o-o-ost, woooooo!" you're less a murderer than a writer for Scooby Doo."

Not funny, but awesome enough to share- "Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, screaming 'WHOOOO-HOOOOO! What a ride!'" -uncited on Pinterest

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Okay, I'm falling behind...but I had food poisoning, so you have to forgive me

Yeah, that's right food poisoning. For three weeks. Apparently my morning meatballs have been just slightly tainted, enough that I felt sick for three weeks, but not sick enough to know why. Then on Monday I was sick enough to come home for work super early and go to the doctor on Tuesday morning. Where we figured out I've been poisoning myself for three weeks. Not awesome.
In other news, having recovered from food poisoning, I went over to my friend Sarah's house Thursday night (which is a work night for those of you unaware of the school calendar). Definately lost track of time having so much fun with my friend, her husband and his friend that I didn't leave until one in the morning. Not good. Then on Friday, apparently having decided I hadn't done enough stupid things this week, I told Leah over Indian food that I wanted to go dancing. So we went to the nightclub in Elgin. Which blew. The music sucked so hard that only one couple was dancing. Plus, I had to replace all my clothes this week so I have no going out tops, so I had to go out in a pocket tee. We're going to try again next weekend. Then last night was game night at Sarah's. She specifically asked that we clear out by 10:30 because she and her husband still had to recover from Thursday night's fun, and they have a foster(-ish) baby right now, so they had to get up in the morning. We left at 11:30. Good job!
And now you're caught up on everything that you missed while I had food poisoning. The End.