Apparently I laugh often, and need to share what I find funny, because this is the third time I’ve written a post where I did nothing but quote funny things out of context hoping you’ll find them amusing too. This time almost everything funny is from the archives of a blog I just found (clearly since I enjoy it, but don’t know this person I have to catch up via archives). Enjoy!
“I’m pretty sure “poetic license” is when you blame Robert Frost for all of your own personal shortcomings. Which I try to make it a point to do at least three times a day.” Reply to a comment over at Motherhood in NYC
When swimming, “I like to stay on the surface. Where there are no sharks.” Motherhood in NYC
“Maybe it’s because I stood in bread lines in the pre-Atkins Soviet Union, but I just refuse to get in line.” Once again Motherhood in NYC (this time about trying to get a replacement social security card)
“I said ‘I’m writing about something that I will not discuss in real life.’ And she said ‘What?’ and I don’t know what kind of CIA-trained operative could withstand THAT kind of cross-examination, but I cracked instantly” Motherhood in NYC
“I’ve never seen an episode of Veggie Tales. I think we just get the carnivore channel.” I have no idea where this came from. Somewhere on the internet? Claim it if you wrote it!
“Poison Ivy, a supervillainess who can grow plants and make men fall in love with her (essentially, the superpowers of an attractive woman with a garden).” Cracked.com’s BatBattle
“My daughter was about 12 and we sent her to a multi-day seminar. One of her homework assignments one evening was to step into an elevator and face everyone while saying, ‘I suppose you all are wondering why I called you here.”’ Messing with people is always entertaining!
“I can’t even blog about my husband slowly throwing away my comfy cotton briefs and leaving me with a drawer full of hanky pankys.” Commenters are fun!
“You probably want to wait to paint until after they seal it, otherwise when they do their thing, they’ll ruin your thing with the thing.” –my mom’s boyfriend
“Be wery wery quiet. I’m hunting seamstwesses.” -Kristin’s AIM status this week as she deals with an alteration problem with her dress for Jamie’s wedding (next week).
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Learn to say no!
I've mentioned before how much it bothers me that our culture sexualizes small children when they are so young. The clothes, the attitude, the way little girls have learned that hip swinging walk, it all adds to make them think they're ready for sex much earlier than they are. After all, if they've been dressing, talking, and even acting sexually for years, then it's no big thing when they finally do it right? I hate that! I want to protect children from being exposed to this. Children, be they six or sixteen are not ready for sex and they shouldn't have the expectation of being sexy!
When I talked about this before my problem was sweats with words on the butt, children's thongs, and overly sexy dresses. But now it's summer, and with the heat and the sun, comes a new concern. Little girl bikinis.
Take a look at these pictures.
Now, setting aside whatever your past with modesty is, which of those children looks more "sexualized"? The one where the little girl with nothing to hide is wearing a bikini, or the one where the little girl with nothing to hide, isn't hiding anything? I tried to include a picture of a little girl in a one piece, but I couldn't find one. Also, sorry they aren't the best pictures, I didn't want a google search that could get me arrested cluttering up my history on my computer.
Parents need to take a look at how they are dressing their children (and these children are young enough they are being dressed, not allowed to dress) and learn to say no. Say no to sexualizing your tiny tot. Say no to buying those "cute" outfits that make them look like hoochies. Say no to the urge to make your kid into a "mini-me without the stretch marks". Just say no!
When I talked about this before my problem was sweats with words on the butt, children's thongs, and overly sexy dresses. But now it's summer, and with the heat and the sun, comes a new concern. Little girl bikinis.
Take a look at these pictures.
Now, setting aside whatever your past with modesty is, which of those children looks more "sexualized"? The one where the little girl with nothing to hide is wearing a bikini, or the one where the little girl with nothing to hide, isn't hiding anything? I tried to include a picture of a little girl in a one piece, but I couldn't find one. Also, sorry they aren't the best pictures, I didn't want a google search that could get me arrested cluttering up my history on my computer.
Parents need to take a look at how they are dressing their children (and these children are young enough they are being dressed, not allowed to dress) and learn to say no. Say no to sexualizing your tiny tot. Say no to buying those "cute" outfits that make them look like hoochies. Say no to the urge to make your kid into a "mini-me without the stretch marks". Just say no!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Things That Made Me Laugh- Part 2
The cracked.com article that refered to Hitler as "Voldemort Von Tiny-Stache" (not the whole article, really just the reference)
From the same article... "Only an IDIOT would forget about the Italian Renaissance, when art and poetry flourished as the nation of Italy remembered all the cool stuff Greece came up with back in the day. Even if your history class dropped the ball, TMNT was there to pick that ball right back up and throw it in your face"
"My name is LightningBolt Tesla. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
A conversation I had with one of my small children today...
(Me) Why did you just bite your thigh?
(Avery) Because it hurted.
(Me) And that's a good thing?
(Avery) Indeed (flashes a gleeful grin before she runs off to play)
She's three.
From the same article... "Only an IDIOT would forget about the Italian Renaissance, when art and poetry flourished as the nation of Italy remembered all the cool stuff Greece came up with back in the day. Even if your history class dropped the ball, TMNT was there to pick that ball right back up and throw it in your face"
"My name is LightningBolt Tesla. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
A conversation I had with one of my small children today...
(Me) Why did you just bite your thigh?
(Avery) Because it hurted.
(Me) And that's a good thing?
(Avery) Indeed (flashes a gleeful grin before she runs off to play)
She's three.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Psychosomatic Vampire Injuries
The other day I was sitting in a nap room at work, reading a vampire book when suddenly my neck began to itch. I reached up scratched it without looking up from my book, but as I was lowering my hand I realized it was covered in blood. I went into the bathroom to take a look and realized that my neck was slowly seeping blood and based on the fact that some of it was dried, had been for awhile. So I cleaned up my neck, which was when I discovered the two small puncture like marks that were oozing the blood. It was when I was washing my hands that I made my final odd discovery. On the back of my hand there was a fairly small, and yet oddly deep imprint of a human mouth. Like a bite mark, but clearly human not like a mosquito or whatever. There were teeth prints. I think my book is haunted.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Rock the Vote
You probably know by now that politics are very important to me. It’s not that I need you to agree with me, it’s that I need you to make educated decisions about how my country should be run, and then I need to you to go the polls and make your voice heard. If you can do those two things, no matter if we vote for the same things or not, I can respect you. I personally generally choose to go as above and beyond that as much as possible. I email my congressmen when something important is going on, I receive innumerable emails from the lobbies I care about, and I sign a multitude of petitions that are sent my way. Today a petition crossed my path that I think is important enough that not only did I sign it, I emailed most of my address book, and now I’m posting it here.
Rock the Vote did a study of the voting systems in all 50 states, and the average score was only 41%. That’s a big fat “F”! The highest score in the country was only 68% and too many states are going in the wrong direction.
You’d think that the most basic element of our democracy - the right to vote - would be guaranteed and easy to access for anyone who is 18 and a citizen of this country.
Sadly, this isn’t the case. For a majority of young people around the country, their elected leaders are failing to meet their needs.
We found that states make it unnecessarily confusing to get registered, make voting inconvenient, don’t implement new technologies that are common in every other part of life, and aren’t teaching young people about voting and elections in high schools. This is a recipe for disenfranchisement
Not satisfied with the results (see Illinois results below)? Let your elected officials know by sending them Rock the Vote Voting System Scorecard. (We've made it really easy if you click here.)
The Voting System Scorecard serves as a national benchmark that measures state laws and policies in three key areas: (1) voter registration, (2) casting a ballot and (3) young voter preparation. The 21-point scale evaluates each state’s implementation of policies that increase access to the political process.
Illinois Results
Automatic Registration: 0/3
Permanent and Portable Registration: 0/1
Online Registration: 0/3
Same Day Registration: 0/3
Third Party Registration Drives: 0/1
Registration Score: 0/11
Voter ID Requirements: 2/2
Convenience Voting: 2/2
Residency Requirements: 1/1
Absentee Voting: 1/1
Overseas and Military Voting: .9/1
Voting Score: 6.9/7
High School Civics: 0/2*
Pre-registration: 0/1**
Preparation Score: 0/3
Total Score 6.9/21
Percentage Score: 33%
*I have to note that as a history teacher, this one kills me. This was a pass/fail situation and Illinois passed. A state received 2 points if they taught civics and evaluated student performace and 0 points if they didn’t. That means my state, the state I am trying to teach history in, is inadequate in teaching MY subject matter!
**This one is also important because it really helps enfranchise young adults. The idea is that a student can register to vote at 16 or 17 and have that automatically activate on his or her 18th birthday. The reason this helps enfranchise students is because (1) they are registered to vote on their birthday, meaning that they CAN vote, and there’s no “Shoot, I forgot to register!” surprises and (2) in these areas election officials reach out to younger voters and education efforts are more important which helps give these first time voters more of a voice.
Rock the Vote did a study of the voting systems in all 50 states, and the average score was only 41%. That’s a big fat “F”! The highest score in the country was only 68% and too many states are going in the wrong direction.
You’d think that the most basic element of our democracy - the right to vote - would be guaranteed and easy to access for anyone who is 18 and a citizen of this country.
Sadly, this isn’t the case. For a majority of young people around the country, their elected leaders are failing to meet their needs.
We found that states make it unnecessarily confusing to get registered, make voting inconvenient, don’t implement new technologies that are common in every other part of life, and aren’t teaching young people about voting and elections in high schools. This is a recipe for disenfranchisement
Not satisfied with the results (see Illinois results below)? Let your elected officials know by sending them Rock the Vote Voting System Scorecard. (We've made it really easy if you click here.)
The Voting System Scorecard serves as a national benchmark that measures state laws and policies in three key areas: (1) voter registration, (2) casting a ballot and (3) young voter preparation. The 21-point scale evaluates each state’s implementation of policies that increase access to the political process.
Illinois Results
Automatic Registration: 0/3
Permanent and Portable Registration: 0/1
Online Registration: 0/3
Same Day Registration: 0/3
Third Party Registration Drives: 0/1
Registration Score: 0/11
Voter ID Requirements: 2/2
Convenience Voting: 2/2
Residency Requirements: 1/1
Absentee Voting: 1/1
Overseas and Military Voting: .9/1
Voting Score: 6.9/7
High School Civics: 0/2*
Pre-registration: 0/1**
Preparation Score: 0/3
Total Score 6.9/21
Percentage Score: 33%
*I have to note that as a history teacher, this one kills me. This was a pass/fail situation and Illinois passed. A state received 2 points if they taught civics and evaluated student performace and 0 points if they didn’t. That means my state, the state I am trying to teach history in, is inadequate in teaching MY subject matter!
**This one is also important because it really helps enfranchise young adults. The idea is that a student can register to vote at 16 or 17 and have that automatically activate on his or her 18th birthday. The reason this helps enfranchise students is because (1) they are registered to vote on their birthday, meaning that they CAN vote, and there’s no “Shoot, I forgot to register!” surprises and (2) in these areas election officials reach out to younger voters and education efforts are more important which helps give these first time voters more of a voice.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
It's Not Multiple Personalities
Tonight I got to hang out with a friend (who, for the purposes of this post I’ll keep anonymous), and it was super fun. She’s married whilst I remain single. But I love to read, so if the conversation turns, as it did tonight, to sex or relationship while I have no practical information (as in info that I’ve actually used), I have tons of theoretical info from journal articles, Cosmo, books, etc.. So I insist on saying stuff anyway, and I think that makes this particular friend uncomfortable (because she is conservative and is uncomfortable with the thought that I may or may not have engaged in premarital activities- no fears, I didn’t). The other problem is that I will be open about what I think and I don’t couch things in a way to make them more palatable. If we’re talking about sex I prefer to talk about sex, but I think perhaps that made my friend uncomfortable too because she’s more conservative and would perhaps prefer if we could be more vague about stuff. Sorry :(
Meanwhile, I’ve come up with an important theory about my life. There are two “Tina’s”. There’s “real Tina” who is shy, nervous about important things, and private. Then there’s “fake Tina”. Fake Tina is the Tina most people know because she’s kind of like a magician. She’s loud and self-assured. She not only is uncensored but she gives to much information. She’s screaming for you to pay attention to her “Hey! Look over here! I’m gonna do something outrageous!! Look at me!!” but it’s less because she wants you to pay attention to her and more because if you think you already know all there is to know about “Tina” you won’t go looking for “real Tina”. If “fake Tina” is all flashy and begging you to pay attention to her, “real Tina” remains safe and unnoticed.
For instance, last night I was out with Kristin and other friends, including one young man who shall remain nameless but whom I happen to have a crush on. Have for years, probably always will. BUT, and here’s where it gets *fun* he’s completely…uninterested isn’t the right word here but it’s close to what I mean. Perhaps unaware? Can he be unaware of me? Anyway, back to my theory. If he’s uninterested in “fake Tina” that doesn’t bother me, because that’s not the real me anyway, but if he spent time with the “real Tina” and remained uninterested, that would bother me. So “fake Tina” is the Tina who got to go out for Kristin’s birthday last night. And she was at her fake best, blatantly checking out the waiter’s butt (because if I’m checking out other guys then clearly I don’t have any sort of crush on anyone at my table right?), making naughty comments, and basically being her loud distracting self.
I don’t always think that this is a problem. We all having coping mechanisms when we’re in stressful situations. But I think for me it has become a problem because “fake Tina” has been the only Tina who gets to go out for a long time now. Even my best friends don’t see a lot of “real Tina” even when we’re alone and talking and I’m comfortable, it’s just too hard to take off the mask that everyone knows and reveal my true self. But wouldn’t it be better if I could reveal my real self, at least to some people? If I could act normal, around my friends? If I could be comfortable enough to let people see me without the mask? That’s why I write here on this blog, almost every entry here has been written by “real Tina” and now someone who read my archives one boring Saturday afternoon could know me better than my best friend of ten years. But, now that I’m aware of what I’m doing, I’m going to make a concentrated effort to let “real Tina” out of her shell a little more often. So, if you think you know, but think I’m acting weird lately, that’s why. Be quiet and don’t scare me and you might get to see a rare sight, “real Tina” out in the world, interacting with people.
Meanwhile, I’ve come up with an important theory about my life. There are two “Tina’s”. There’s “real Tina” who is shy, nervous about important things, and private. Then there’s “fake Tina”. Fake Tina is the Tina most people know because she’s kind of like a magician. She’s loud and self-assured. She not only is uncensored but she gives to much information. She’s screaming for you to pay attention to her “Hey! Look over here! I’m gonna do something outrageous!! Look at me!!” but it’s less because she wants you to pay attention to her and more because if you think you already know all there is to know about “Tina” you won’t go looking for “real Tina”. If “fake Tina” is all flashy and begging you to pay attention to her, “real Tina” remains safe and unnoticed.
For instance, last night I was out with Kristin and other friends, including one young man who shall remain nameless but whom I happen to have a crush on. Have for years, probably always will. BUT, and here’s where it gets *fun* he’s completely…uninterested isn’t the right word here but it’s close to what I mean. Perhaps unaware? Can he be unaware of me? Anyway, back to my theory. If he’s uninterested in “fake Tina” that doesn’t bother me, because that’s not the real me anyway, but if he spent time with the “real Tina” and remained uninterested, that would bother me. So “fake Tina” is the Tina who got to go out for Kristin’s birthday last night. And she was at her fake best, blatantly checking out the waiter’s butt (because if I’m checking out other guys then clearly I don’t have any sort of crush on anyone at my table right?), making naughty comments, and basically being her loud distracting self.
I don’t always think that this is a problem. We all having coping mechanisms when we’re in stressful situations. But I think for me it has become a problem because “fake Tina” has been the only Tina who gets to go out for a long time now. Even my best friends don’t see a lot of “real Tina” even when we’re alone and talking and I’m comfortable, it’s just too hard to take off the mask that everyone knows and reveal my true self. But wouldn’t it be better if I could reveal my real self, at least to some people? If I could act normal, around my friends? If I could be comfortable enough to let people see me without the mask? That’s why I write here on this blog, almost every entry here has been written by “real Tina” and now someone who read my archives one boring Saturday afternoon could know me better than my best friend of ten years. But, now that I’m aware of what I’m doing, I’m going to make a concentrated effort to let “real Tina” out of her shell a little more often. So, if you think you know, but think I’m acting weird lately, that’s why. Be quiet and don’t scare me and you might get to see a rare sight, “real Tina” out in the world, interacting with people.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
In Honor of Kristin's 28th Birthday
I will continue my photo challenge. Challenge Two is "a photo of you with the person you've been closest with the longest". Obviously (since I'm doing it because of her birthday) my person is Kristin. We had a great time tonight. We went out to a pub (actually my favorite place to eat!) here in town, got supper, and participated in the Wednesday Night Pub Quiz. It was super awesome for several reasons. 1. It was Kristin's birthday, and both her brothers came out with up, which was nice because I know she's been wanting to spend more time with them. 2. The meal was fantastic. 3. I enjoy the group of people we were out with a great deal. 4. Out of 18 (we think) teams, we came in number FIVE!! So now we have to do it again so we can try to beat that. Go Team Meese!!!
This picture is from my birthday in 2009 (when I turned 27). I had just graduated AU and was unemployed (meaning I'd been out of work since the school year started September 2008), so I didn't have a lot of money. So for my birthday Kristin and I went to Jamie's apartment after the fireworks and spent the night with her. Then on my birthday we went to Krape Park and played there for awhile before Kristin made grilled pork and potatoes for my birthday dinner.
This picture is from my birthday in 2009 (when I turned 27). I had just graduated AU and was unemployed (meaning I'd been out of work since the school year started September 2008), so I didn't have a lot of money. So for my birthday Kristin and I went to Jamie's apartment after the fireworks and spent the night with her. Then on my birthday we went to Krape Park and played there for awhile before Kristin made grilled pork and potatoes for my birthday dinner.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Things That Made Me Laugh
- "My 6 year old is awesome, but she lives in a one-bedroom bedroom and she’s not allowed to go outside without a grown-up. Plus, she can’t reach the booze cabinet, and all of her clothes have unicorns on them. Non-ironically." (The Bloggess)
- Me: I taught myself to swim today
Chris: That was fast
Me: Turns out it was more a lack of stamina than a lack of knowledge problem
Chris: I have a lack of keeping myself from drowning problem
(An AIM conversation we had last night)
- "Normally, dangerous foreign substances that get inside our body are recognized by antibodies, which then bind to white blood cells to tell the immune response it's "go time." Think of white blood cells and antibodies as the Batman and Robin of disease fighting." (Cracked.com)
- Me: I taught myself to swim today
Chris: That was fast
Me: Turns out it was more a lack of stamina than a lack of knowledge problem
Chris: I have a lack of keeping myself from drowning problem
(An AIM conversation we had last night)
- "Normally, dangerous foreign substances that get inside our body are recognized by antibodies, which then bind to white blood cells to tell the immune response it's "go time." Think of white blood cells and antibodies as the Batman and Robin of disease fighting." (Cracked.com)
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Livin' The Good Life
So I'm housesitting. I won't say where or give any details, because instead I'm going to show you some pictures of how the other half lives :)
This, is the house. Please note that I literally could not stand back far enough to get the entire house in the picture.
This is the kitchen. Again, I couldn't get the entire thing in a single picture- but this is the best one.
This is the master closet (there are several pictures because people literally don't believe me when I tell them about this).
Yeah, see that railing on the left? That's the stairway. To the second floor. Of the closet. Also, it's closet-y storage under the stairs and right next to where I had to stand to take this picture.
And that's the washer/dryer. In the closet.
See those little nook like spaces on the right? Each of those is another closet section as big as the average bathroom (the kind with a tub, not those tight little half baths).
The second kitchen. Again, I couldn't take a picture of the whole thing, but you get the idea.
And finally the view I wake up to every morning from my friend's basement. And yes, that is both a pool and a small lagoon. And also yes, I have an incredibly hard time going to work when I stay here! So I am clearly living the good life this week!
This, is the house. Please note that I literally could not stand back far enough to get the entire house in the picture.
This is the kitchen. Again, I couldn't get the entire thing in a single picture- but this is the best one.
This is the master closet (there are several pictures because people literally don't believe me when I tell them about this).
Yeah, see that railing on the left? That's the stairway. To the second floor. Of the closet. Also, it's closet-y storage under the stairs and right next to where I had to stand to take this picture.
And that's the washer/dryer. In the closet.
See those little nook like spaces on the right? Each of those is another closet section as big as the average bathroom (the kind with a tub, not those tight little half baths).
The second kitchen. Again, I couldn't take a picture of the whole thing, but you get the idea.
And finally the view I wake up to every morning from my friend's basement. And yes, that is both a pool and a small lagoon. And also yes, I have an incredibly hard time going to work when I stay here! So I am clearly living the good life this week!
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