Monday, November 19, 2012

My Poor Friends :(

 I generally don’t think I deserve for anyone to care about what I need, that my needs are the least important of anyone else’s.  I think that in my friendships this works out well for those around me.  When we go out, I very rarely argue about things like where we should eat, or what we should do, because I’m usually just happy to be with my friends and thus I’m willing to do whatever other people want to do.  Recent events however have made me realize, at least sometimes, that I do deserve to have my own needs cared for.  Which is causing me stress in many of my relationships as I get cranky about being overlooked when it’s not my friends that are changing, it’s me.  I’ve been trying to focus on using my words if I’m upset or if I truly want something, but I think that just confuses my friends who are unaccustomed to me speaking up for what I want.  Especially since I’m still learning and thinking about this, so I am very quiet about it and don’t usually say anything at the time to the people who are doing it, if I get ignored.  I tend to just say it’s fine and then do whatever I’m told.  But then I go home cranky because this small part of me is starting to think that I deserve to have people consider me, but it’s not a big enough part of me to demand that people actually do so.  And then I feel like a jerk because, I feel like I’m expecting people to read my mind.  And that is why I feel bad for every single person I know right now.  Good luck!

Tuesday, November 6, 2012


I went on mini-break this weekend.  I asked everyone I knew where a great place to relax and get away from all the distractions of life is, and wound up staing at a ski-resort.  Since it's the off season , it was pretty cheap adn it was super nice.  Except for the part on Monday morning where they cleaned up breakfast an half hour early and I wound up having to eat at McDonald's because I needed food so I didn't pass out.
It was awesome though.  Technically I still have a few hours on my vacation timer, so I might still meet my writing goal.  We'll see how the rest of today plays out.  I wanted to make two painting and write 10,000 words.  I got three paintings done.  One is okay, but the subject material isn't really my normal taste.  I made it for a friend and I think she'll like it.  One I think I'll like when it's done, but I paint in oils and they take time to dry so I didn't quite finish it.  It's a present for someone too, so hoepfuly it turns out well.  The last one I hate.  Like hate.  Like I need to go to a bonfire so I can burn it.  Or I could just paint over it I guess, but that isn't quite the total destruction I want for th steaming piece of crap taking up room in my car.  I also go a little over 7,000 words written.  Do you know what 7,000 words looks like?  Do you know what they feel like?  Especially when they're words for like a novel, not just bathering about my day, but the creation of actual characters, dialogue, description, all those little things that make a words into a story?  I know exactly what they look like.  They look like I bled inside my computer.  I'm not sharing. 
I will however share some pictures...
Me just after I wrote my first 5,000 words

Every time I went out I saw a deer.  I think it must ahve been teh same one each time, because by the end of the weekend I accidentally walked right up to it and it let me get within five feet.  I could have pet a wild deer y'all!

Everything up here is a meandering path.  Like everything.  It's probably because it's a "mountain" but I like to think it's because it was a good metaphor for me.

This is the view at the head of the hiking trail I used when I needed a writing break.  I love that tree, I think it looks so cool!

This is the view I saw looking out at each day while I was writing.  It's amazing I got any work done with that to look at huh?

The bench and the view where I wrote this weekend

Another take on the view from "my" writing bench

This is the first time I saw that bench.  I knew instantly that this was where I would be working this weekend.  And to be fair, I did do some work in my hotel room, but most of the next 5,000 words were written here,a nd several paintings were at least sketched out on that bench.  What I'm saying is that it's a magic bench.

Monday, November 5, 2012

I suppose I should change all the parts where it says "Today" to read "Yesterday" but I'm lazy. So I'm not going to.

Today a strange woman barged into my hotel room. No knock, no pleasant "housekeeping". She just walked in hours after I'd told housekeeping not to bother. She immediately left, didn't even make it through the door. But still. Creepy!
Today I barely made it out of my room. Just sat there all morning, all afternoon, and most of the evening. Didn't write either. Finished a painting & then read someone else's blog. Eventually I realized how unproductive I was, so I went for a walk with the intention of following that up with a swim. Spent the next two hours reading blog archives instead. I have to write 6,000 more words! By three on tomorrow. Technically I check out at noon, but I have plans half way home @ five, so I don't have to leave until three and I can write anywhere as long as my computer is charged.
Today I introduced myself to a stranger as a painter & writer, here for inspiration.
Today I got nowhere near my word goal. But I went back & edited what I'd already written, which I never do because I'm pretty sure "edit" means "violently delete in a fit of rage". Wound up liking what I have though even if it's nowhere near enough.
Today I was people watching at dinner and saw a woman blatantly nibble on a man's arm. Why? Why the arm? Why in public? I have a lot of questions but mostly, why??