Monday, November 19, 2012

My Poor Friends :(

 I generally don’t think I deserve for anyone to care about what I need, that my needs are the least important of anyone else’s.  I think that in my friendships this works out well for those around me.  When we go out, I very rarely argue about things like where we should eat, or what we should do, because I’m usually just happy to be with my friends and thus I’m willing to do whatever other people want to do.  Recent events however have made me realize, at least sometimes, that I do deserve to have my own needs cared for.  Which is causing me stress in many of my relationships as I get cranky about being overlooked when it’s not my friends that are changing, it’s me.  I’ve been trying to focus on using my words if I’m upset or if I truly want something, but I think that just confuses my friends who are unaccustomed to me speaking up for what I want.  Especially since I’m still learning and thinking about this, so I am very quiet about it and don’t usually say anything at the time to the people who are doing it, if I get ignored.  I tend to just say it’s fine and then do whatever I’m told.  But then I go home cranky because this small part of me is starting to think that I deserve to have people consider me, but it’s not a big enough part of me to demand that people actually do so.  And then I feel like a jerk because, I feel like I’m expecting people to read my mind.  And that is why I feel bad for every single person I know right now.  Good luck!

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