Thursday, November 25, 2010

What I'm Thankful For This Year

It is officially Thanksgiving. Also, I just got back from a late dinner with a friend from high school during which we really talked about some serious topics, which I will go into a bit later. The two things combined have really made me reflect on my life and now I want to write about the things I’m most thankful for.

  1. I'm thankful that we can change, who we are is never set in stone. Pretty much the thing I’m most thankful for is that I am not the same person I was ten years ago, or even five.
    Ten years ago I graduated high school. Now, I can look back, and I can remember some good times. However, in general I was miserable. I pretty much had one friend and she abandoned me whenever she had a boyfriend. People made fun of me and teased me for being a lesbian (which I am not). I didn’t fit in with choir (where I sang anywhere from soprano to tenor, but nothing very well). I didn’t fit in with the theatre kids because I worked backstage where it was my JOB to blend in and go unnoticed. I didn’t fit in with any of the writing cliques because while I took the classes I was too shy to let others read my writing. I sucked at math and science but cared about my grades so I didn’t fit in with either the smart kids or the kids who didn’t care about grades. I was socially inept and generally uncomfortable with who I was.
    Today while I can still see some my old behaviors, I am much more confident in who I am. Part of the trouble in high school was how clear it was that I had a crush on a certain boy. I wasn’t very subtle in how I expressed myself. He was friends with a girl I sometimes talked to, and I would go hang out at her lunch table just so I could check him out and pretty much ignore the girl was pretending to be talking to. I made my friend pose for pics in front of him and cut her out so I could get a pic of him. It was ridiculous. I still can’t keep a secret (especially at Christmas, I get to excited about the “perfect gift” I’ve bought and can’t resist dropping unsubtle hints), but at least I can be a little more subtle about crushes.
    Five years ago my best friend (the same one from high school) admitted to me that she basically used me as a scapegoat, that I was someone to yell at anytime she was angry at someone else. And instead of standing up for myself I let her get away with it because I was still so shy I didn’t really have any other friends. Eventually I grew a spine and wouldn’t let her treat me like that anymore. That combined with some other stuff was the last straw for her and we had it out weeks before her wedding and haven’t spoken since.
    Today I still don’t make friends easily, but I do have a small group of friends that I can be myself around. None of them would even consider scapegoating another adult and I generally wouldn’t let anyone treat me like that anymore.
    I hope that I will continue to grow and become more the person I want to be and I’m thankful that I have that chance.
  2. I’m also thankful that I have good friends. My family isn’t close and I’m truly thankful that I have a wide support system of people who are like family to me. My best friend’s family welcomes me with open arms at most holidays (actually…I think at all holidays). Without my friends I wouldn’t be the person that I am today and I like who I am. Without the group of friends I now surround myself with, I would never have grown that spine I mentioned before. I would still be the shy, awkward girl with no opinion instead of a fairly outspoken woman who knows what I want and don’t apologize when it’s not what others expect.
  3. I’m thankful for the opportunities that I’ve had. I was able to walk away from a good job and study full time for an entire year, which very few adults are able to do, and as a result I graduated college. I know that while I had to work hard for that, without my father I would never have had that opportunity. Even in this economy I still have a good job, and not just any job I have a job I love and was just promoted to an even better position. I was able to buy a nice car and I have a solid home to live in. So even when I complain about these things, I need to remember that these are still good things that I need to be thankful for.

There are many other things I'm thankful for, but those are the top three. What are you thankful for?

1 comment:

  1. 1) I totally forgot the posing with a certain guy for pictures thing. (That WAS me, right? I know I did it at least once... lol.) PS: Even if he didn't like you back, I think he liked the fan club treatment. ;)

    2) Sometimes you DO apologize to me before you express your beliefs/opinion. Just sayin'. ;)
    "I'm sorry, I know how you feel about lying... but..." lol.

    So... you're a great friend. Thank you for forgiving me (and your other past idiot friends) and letting me have a great friend in you. I appreciate it. I'm thankful for you. :)