Some of my ghosts are more substantial than your average ghost, bold enough to try to talk to me even in the light of day. Some of them are vague things that shouldn’t be able to bother me. Things I barely remember, but that I can’t forget either. Things that haunt me most late at night when I’m alone and trying to still my mind. It’s been these that have weighed on my mind and burdened my heart the most lately.From the first call, months ago, that my uncle had only months left to live, I’ve been haunted more and more. Nibbles at the back of my mind have grown into being almost all I think of. Although I barely remember it, it’s enough to know that it happened. I’ve thought before that it had no impact on my life. That ultimately there were no consequences because I don’t remember it. Now I wonder how true that is. I don’t talk to my family. I ruin everything I touch.
And then I turn around and it’s almost disappeared. So insubstantial as to be nearly nonexistent. My life is flowers and hope. I’m stronger for standing away from my family. I have friends that more dear to me than anything else. I’m not broken; I’m strong enough to stand.
Ultimately, I can't change the past. Everything that has happened, is exactly that, something that has happened. There's no magical way to have five minutes back, I can't pick and choose which parts of my life I want to keep. It's all helped make me into who I am, so I have to learn to embrace it and carry on. I might never be rid of those ghosts haunting my every step, but I can decide how much attention to pay them. I might not be able to make them disappear or to change the past, but I can decide how much I let them impact today. I can decide how much I let them influence tomorrow.