Sunday, July 14, 2013

So...I write crappy poetry

I've been away awhile.  I spend one night a week at the local library, all settled in a corner, writing to my heart's content.  And yet, I've been ignoring my blog in favor of a novel I'm working on.  I do have a little something to share here.  In addition to my novel (which will remain super secret and no one but me will ever read it), I've been poet-ing.

3.6.13 (Insomnia)
Lying in bed
Moment by moment
Unable to sleep
Able only to dream
Mind so busy whirring,
Same things over and over again
"What if... and then... but no...
"But what if...?"
Wishing, dreaming
Can't stop thinking
My body so warm, cozy in my bed
Soft fuzzy blankets tucked tight around me
Purring in my ear, loud enough my body is shaking with it
The cat tucked beneath my cheek a pillow meant to help me sleep
My mind so far away
Not far enough
Focused on things I can't have
Whirring, buzzing, spinning around
Interesting enough I can't make it stop.


Every dream I’ve ever had is turned to ashes in my mouth
Woman built to love, never loved
Lying about my dreams because they’ve turned bitter                                                        
Half-truths and untruths told to strangers, family, friends
Until no one knows the truth anymore
Not even I know what’s hidden deep inside my heart
Under the ashes of dreams and hopes burnt by a life unlived,
Unwanted, and unknown


Every day that passes I learn a little more
It’s time to let my dreams go
Can’t be a child anymore, it’s time to embrace adulthood
This isn’t a fairy tale
No one every promised a happily ever after.
Yet letting go of every dream is too much to ask of one woman
I sit, wearied at the thought, trying to let go
Trying to hold on
Trying to find the strength to fight either way instead of laying stagnate
Afraid of change
I need to grow up and embrace reality
I’m alone and will be alone

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