Last weekend I had some friends over for a Mary Kay party that I won a few months ago. It was a lot of fun, but... It was also a good opportunity for my poor friends to realize what's been going on in my head lately. Even I hadn't really realized how bad it had gotten until the Mary Kay lady had to invent a new game called "throw things at Tina when she makes fun of herself" because I had been on myself so hard. I kept talking about every part of myself being stupid or looking dumb, or just me in general being to dumb to apply makeup correctly. According to my friends, it was bad. The worst part was that compared to what's been going on in my head lately, it really wasn't all the bad. So now that I'm more aware of it, I know I have to do something about it. The problem being that now that I'm aware of it, it's one more thing for me to be down on myself for.
Also, now that all of my friends know about this crazy nonsense in my head, everything they say to me feels like it's in response to my head drama. Almost like no comment can be made unless it is in some way going to be uplifting to me. So then I feel like I'm not alot of fun to be around lately.
When Avengers came out I had been stuck in my head for about a month, and I took some time off to go to a day long marathon. It took awhile to really get out of my head. Iron Man Two caused some drama because Tony is dying and I think part of my problem is the uncertanity regarding my own medical issues, but all in all it helped. For several weeks I was out of my head. I could think again. Unfortunately I'm back down even lower than I started. I'm going to do it again at the end of July with a Batman marathon (this time with my friend Sarah Mason), so hopefully that will help again. Clearly though, that's a short term solution. I can't spend all my free time watching explosion-y action movies. Plus I suspect I would eventually develop a resistence to it. So now I'm on the lookout for a long term solution. But, that's something to think about another time.