Presentation matters

I wrote recently about my moment of clarity.  Before I fell asleep I had seen, laid out for me, was the plan of how to become the person I want to be.  When I woke I didn't remember every single detail, but I still had the highlights.  One of those highlights was this, presentation matters.
In my line of work pretty much any attire is considered appropriate.  I have a coworker who wears oversize sweats and t-shirts every day and I have a coworker who wears nice jeans and blouses every day, so I have always figured "ehh, I'm walking between the two, I'm probably fine".  Except what I mean is that I wake up five minutes before I have to leave for work.  When I get there (inevitably late) I'm wearing jeans that are two or three sizes to big and/or stained with t-shirts that are either normally reserved for workout gear or I bought twenty pounds ago.  Which means I don't look very professional. 
Yet I know the difference in how I feel and how my kids (and parents) treat me when I present a more professional image.  First of all my kids think of me as more of an authority figure when I'm dressed like one (which is true of my parents too).  Second, and more important, I maintain my work-zen better when I'm more conscious of my presentation.  The image I present to the world absolutely affects the way I feel about myself and thus about my job.  And if I'm better able to maintain my zen my kids react to that.  It's a snowball.  I go into work more zen, which combined with my more professional presentation makes my kids react differently to me, which allows me to maintain my zen.  But I only know all of that from the five or six days a year I have to present a professional image.
So tomorrow I'm skipping the snooze button.  I'm putting on jeans that fit, a cute top, and my trademark "under a minute" makeup; and I'm leaving the house ten minutes earlier than normal.  Because tomorrow is the first day on the path to the new me.

Low carb "potato" salad

I love potato salad. Like LOVE it.  But I haven't had more than a bite or two at a time in the last eighteen months because it's terrible for me.  But this week I discovered the miracle to dropping it down to almost zero carb and boosting the protein level, simple substitutes.  I won't record a full recipe, because everyone has their own version that they love, but here's the two biggies.  You know the scoop (or two or three) of mayonaise?  Switch it for plain Greek yogurt.  If you're adding mustard and/or relish no one else will ever know, and I doubt they'll know even if you don't add anything else.  That's the protein, but what about all the carbs?  Cut bite size (as in the size you'd cut your potatoes normally) pieces of cauliflower.  Lightly steam and then cool the cauliflower.  Use that instead of potatoes.  My own veggie-phobic brother didn't catch that substitute!  I'm so happy now :-)

Clarity

Have you ever had a moment of perfect clarity, where everything crystalizes and you can see yourself with all your flaws and all your highlights?  I did last night as I lay in bed waiting, as I frequently do, for sleep to find me.  I didn’t love everything I saw, but I also saw plenty to love that had gone unnoticed for a very long time.  I saw the differences between who I am and who I want to be and I saw how to be more the Tina I want to be.  I’m not saying it will be easy, or that I won’t relapse, but a plan was laid out before me in perfect detail so that I can work towards that better me.  It was amazing.

More crappy poetry!

3.6.13

Lying in bed
Moment by moment
Unable to sleep
Able only to dream
Mind so busy whirring,
Same things over and over again
"What if... and then... but no...
"But what if...?"
Wishing, dreaming
Can't stop thinking
My body so warm, cozy in my bed
Soft fuzzy blankets tucked tight around me
Purring in my ear, loud enough my body is shaking with it
The cat tucked beneath my cheek a pillow meant to help me sleep
My mind so far away
Not far enough
Focused on things I can't have
Whirring, buzzing, spinning around
Pretending
Interesting enough I can't make it stop.

Query

I have this relative.  When I was young he was in my life.  When I was in kindergarten my family stopped seeing him.  It was only when he was back in my life as a teenager that I was told why my family had stopped associating with him.  I have a very poor memory and no memories from before I was in about first grade.  I’ll leave it to your imagination what I was told.  When I became an adult I stopped seeing him again because I couldn’t keep that out of my mind when I was around him.

 Now I’m told he’s dying.  Has only days to live in fact.  Might even be gone by the time this posts.  This information came to me via text, complete with a hospital name and room number.  And now I’m torn.  Should I go?  Should I see this man again before he dies?  What can I say to him?  The death bed is not the place for confrontations or recriminations.  It’s not a place to ask if what I was told was true.  It’s not the place to even think about that.  It’s a place for mourning and grief.  And although it’s always sad when someone dies, I’m not sure I will properly mourn.  Yet I know I’ll go to his funeral because he’s family and his wife and children are family.  So, should I go?  Should I implicitly give my forgiveness for this thing that haunts the back of my mind, although neither of us has ever acknowledged it?  Would he even want me to go?  Or would he prefer that I stay away? 

I question not only because of the thing I was told, but because we haven’t had a relationship in a decade.  I’m not sure the death bed is the place to renew old relationships.  Growing older is complicated.

Friends in high places

At a recent get together my friends were challenged to say what they loved most about me.  I hated that game.  Then I challenged myself to tell everyone what I loved most about them, but I was still flustered from the first game and I couldn't finish and wound up just saying that all of my friends are awesome, the end.  So now I want to take a moment to be thankful for each and every one of my friends.
There's my homeowner, who once saved my life and who knows me so well and loves me anyway.  Then there's my oldest friend who's been there for me through think and thin.  the girl who can be positive and remind me it will all be okay no matter what's happening in either of our lives.  The one who challenges me to think about why I believe things and makes me smarter.  The friend who listens to my problems, gives advice, and who I trust to never divulge my secrets or judge me.  The wonderful lady who reminds me we all have stuff to deal with, we only have to decide how to deal with it.  The friend I have little contact with but who always makes me laugh.  The new friend who runs with me, and actually runs so that I have to force myself to work harder.  The guy who just doesn't care, who I don't have to think around and I can just forget everything and have fun with (even if I usually end up apologizing later).  The other friend who saved my life, and saved me from murder charges.
I'm so fortunate to have these wonderful men and women around me. What an effect each of them has had on my life, on the person I am today. 
There's nothing interesting here (unless you're busy playing the who's who game about those descriptions, then you might still be interested).  There's just me, pondering the most wonderful blessings I've been given.

Mushroom & barley goodness

So I warned you that I was going to start posting recipes.  Here's my first one.  It's not no-carb, it's all kinds of healthy carb though.

1 C quick cooking barley
2 C veggie stock
Put the veggie stock in a medium sauce pan and set to boil.  Once it's at a rolling boil, add the barley and set a timer to nine minutes.  Meanwhile-

1 T oil
1 medium onion, chopped
8 oz mushrooms, sliced
1 can great northern beans, drained and rinsed
1/2 C frozen sweet peas
1/2 t steak seasoning
1/2 C each veggie stock, milk, and Greek yogurt
Put the oil in a hot frying pan and heat.  Add onion and mushrooms.  Once they're softened add everything except the Greek yogurt and simmer until the timer goes off.  Add the barley with whatever stock is left in the saucepan.  Add the yogurt.  Salt and pepper to taste.  Simmer until thickened.  Enjoy