Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Dear Zoo Visitors,

Clearly we need to have a talk about zoo etiquette. Please read the following notes and make sure to adhere to these basic guidelines.

1. If you are in a darkened room (i.e. the bat house) please assume that you are NOT supposed to use flash photography. There was probably a sign to this effect outside of the habitat, but you clearly did not bother to read it. Let me assure you, if you insist on taking three pictures in rapid succession all using the flash, you will disturb the bats, and when you run screaming from the room, since the bats are not separated from the humans by any sort of barrier, I will laugh at you. In order to prevent looking like an idiot and making me the jerk who laughed at you, please follow the posted signs.
2. Just because you brought your six month old to the zoo, you do not have the right to shove the adults or older children enjoying the animals out of your way. I guarantee I am enjoying the exhibit much more than your child you can barely see past his own fist.
3. If your child must touch the animals, there is a children’s zoo containing safe and friendly animals who will enjoy being touched. Please do NOT allow your child to stand on tippy toes and reach into the habitats of animals with no barrier beyond the fence. Further, please do not lift your child up into the air so she can try to touch the giraffes nose since its “soooo close”.

If you follow these basic rules I will not be tempted to follow you out to the parking lot and key your car, or (more likely) turn you into zoo security when you break all three rules five seconds before security walks by.
Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to my next zoo visit, knowing that you will be more considerate now that we’ve had this little talk.

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